but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
