not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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