That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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