I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's always time for handjobs
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
