I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
