youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
