Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
