I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
