i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
