Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
