before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
