I have demons in me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
