I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
