i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
