i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I did not marry a roomba.
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