Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
