just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
