Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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