Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
