did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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