We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
