I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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