yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
