dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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