Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
