I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
