I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had to cum in my sink.
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