I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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