Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
