that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
