I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
