How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
