Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
