I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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