the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
