Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
