We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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