..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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