If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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