This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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