she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
