I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There are leaves in my underwear?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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