i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
