Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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