I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
