my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well you can't waste a boner
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
