omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
