Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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