he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
