Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bring money and cleavage
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
