Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
