I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
