i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
