That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
