As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
