Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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