Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My penis needs a shock collar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
