so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
