I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
